To the funny farm...

The left-hand side is the lyrics to 'They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!', a novelty song recorded in 1966 by a chap going by the name Napoleon XIV. Perhaps I chose it for the lovely letter distribution or because the song has a direct anagram connection: the B side of the single was '!aaaH-aH ,yawA eM ekaT ot gnimoC er'yehT'.

On the right-hand side, we see another one-sided perspective on the plight the singer describes. In both sides, the speaker loses his equanimity somewhat. (All quotations etc. are, of course, authentic.)

Remember when you ran away and I got on my knees and begged you not to leave because I'd go berserk? Well,
You left me anyhow and then the days got worse and worse and now you see I've gone completely out of my mind. And

     They're coming to take me away, ha-ha.
     They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, he-he, ha-ha,
     To the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time 
        and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats,
     And they're coming to take me away, ha-ha!

You thought it was a joke, and so you laughed. You laughed when I had said that losing you would make me flip my lid. Right?
I know you laughed. I heard you laugh. You laughed. You laughed and laughed and then you left, but now you know I'm utterly mad. And

     They're coming to take me away, ha-ha.
     They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, he-he, ha-ha,
     To the happy home, with trees and flowers and chirping birds
        and basket-weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes,
     And they're coming to take me away, ha-ha!

I cooked your food, I cleaned your house, and this is how you pay me back for all my kind unselfish loving deeds. Huh?
Well, you just wait - they'll find you yet, and when they do they'll put you in the ASPCA, you mangy mutt! And...


Why, hello again, Ma'am. How do you do? How may we help you?

We had a peek at the 'good book' - the hefty Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders - and deem it likely we'd be dealing with the usual 'Odd or Eccentric' disorder, Cluster A. A paranoid personality type of unknown aetiology, yet maybe a good way toward a histrionic one. Yeah, a huge head case.

Okay, now we look at the handy-dandy human head diagnostic key by Millon... Could your husband be 'hypervigilant to the motives of others to undermine or do harm'? An enemy, eh? And he may feel 'righteous but persecuted'? Uh-huh.

One may guess accordingly that the guy might be unlikely to enjoy taking anti-psychotic medicine at home (e.g., use haloperidol). Hey, how about day treatment? That may just work well enough, though we must take away the funky tambourine. We have to... unless, to behave, he'd need the loud, goofy tune. Gee, do you think he'd self-harm, fume, and get naked and foam at the mouth when, ahem, if we do?

Yeah, young man, yeah: we will, um, may make you healthy again. Uh, halfway healthy. Don't you worry, Mist-- What was his name? ...He is Napoleon, you say? Well, well - you may need a high-fee shrink, unhinged lady! Why, you unhinged twat!

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