Headlines in anagrams

Since some of these events have faded from the headlines rather quickly or additional background could be useful for appreciating the anagram, many are presented with descriptive notes.

[9 October 2008 -
State bank bailouts and spasms in financial markets have created cause for concern in much of the world.]

A great banking crisis looms - Big managers' risks ain't cool!

And more an 'anti-gram':
Banking crisis = Brisk Gains, Inc.

As for which markets may succeed...
The most solid financial advice I could present =
Invest in a potent alcoholic fluid - ciders, meads, ...


[6 October 2008 -
Following what many have described as a lack-lustre performance in televised debates and interviews, US Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin prompts some lack of confidence, including amongst the media.]

Concerns About Palin's Readiness as a Big Test Nears =
A scatterbrained gal spouts basic nonsense in ears.


18 July 2008 -
Media reports feature Genarlow Wilson, who had been sentenced to 10 years in prison without parole for consensual oral sex with another minor. The Georgia State Supreme Court deemed the punishment cruel and unusual.]

Genarlow Wilson = Er, no swallowing!


[25 June 2008 -
After finally gaining clearance to enter Burma, the members of Telecoms Sans Frontieres leave the country, when attempts to reach the areas they wished to serve are blocked.]

Telecoms Sans Frontieres ~ transfers me to silence. So...


[23 May 2008 -
Promotion of 'National Vegetarian Week' is intense.]

National Vegetarian Week =
An olive (Greek). Wanna eat it?


[20 April 2008 -
At the start of her Arctic tour, the Governor General of Canada participates in a hunting ritual in which people holding a tarp bounce someone several metres in the air in order to spot potential prey. (Some feared she'd break her legs, but she emerges unscathed.)]

Michaelle Jean's Inuit blanket toss =
"As mine's a nice state job, I'll hunt elk."

(Since the event was held in an auditorium, I'm guessing no elk were to be found, though.)


[2 April 2008 -
The opening of Heathrow Airport's Terminal 5 is plagued with troubles. The problems cited in press reports include aircraft taking off without any bags on board, 'baggage retrieval issues', etc.

We all know the non-PR-friendly translation...]

Baggage retrieval issues = See luggage arrive as bits.


[27 March 2008 -
The US currency continues its slide downward.]

The United States dollar =
Tatters halted delusion. =
Old lira sat untested. =
All said "Trusted note??"


[24 February 2008 -
In the wake of reports of Cuban leader Fidel Castro's impending demise, the media prove that they will make much of any shred of news on developments in Cuba for the next little while.]

'Fidel Castro steps down' = Plot is newscast fodder.


[7 February 2008 -
Dr. Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury, sparks controversy with his opinion that Muslims in the UK should be allowed to choose to apply Islamic law rather than UK law.]

Rowan Williams = 'Law in Islam' row.


[6 December 2007 -
19-year-old Robert Hawkins fatally shoots several others and himself at a Nebraska shopping mall. He leaves behind a note, offering apologies but also the words 'I'm going to be famous'.]

The suicide note said 'Sorry for everything'. =
His draft, 'I'd try shooting everyone!', cues ire.


[1 November 2007 -
The man who dropped Little Boy on Hiroshima dies, at age 92. If he had opted for a headstone, perhaps the following anagram would have adorned it.]

Enola Gay pilot Paul W. Tibbets =
Little boy upbeat - a Nip's aglow.


[27 October 2007 -
Iran responds defiantly to new US sanctions, aimed at state-owned banks and other institutions. Russian President Vladimir Putin likens this to 'mad people wielding razor blades'.]

Dubya: "I'll damage, topple, press, and downsize Iran!" ~
And Putin says: "mad people wielding razor blades".


[31 August 2007 -
On the 10th anniversary of the death of Princess Diana, many think back...]

A 'saint' rests, done, yet sad old ladies cry in pain =
Today, ten years on, Princess Diana is still dead.

For those who don't remember:
Car dispensed ~ dead princess.


[August 2007 -
Singer Amy Winehouse is hospitalised for 'severe exhaustion', but the media don't all buy that line.]

Metro: "heroin, ecstasy, cocaine, ketamine, and booze" =
Those make one crazy-arse medicine cabinet too, no?


[July 2007 -
Several of the 'Adventures of Tintin' stories ruffle feathers, with the UK Commission for Racial Equality calling for removal of the 1930s' Tintin in the Congo from shelves, arguing that "the only place that it might be acceptable [...] would be in a museum, with a big sign saying 'old fashioned, racist claptrap'".]

Georges Prosper Remi's cartoon "Tintin" ~ promotes racist tripe. No negroes grin.


[July 2007 -
The US courts uphold 'DC Madam' Deborah Palfrey's right to liquidate her 'sole remaining asset', over 20 kilos of telephone records. Various members of the government and others sweat.]

Deborah Jeane Palfrey
Horny Rep. + a fee = a BJ deal


[April 2007 -
Harry Potter fever once more...]

Computer-generated images = Men agree Potter used magic.


[January 2007 -
The BBC report: 'The US military has given the first public display of what it says is a revolutionary heat-ray weapon to repel enemies or disperse hostile crowds. Called the Active Denial System, it projects an invisible high energy beam that produces a sudden burning feeling.'.]

Heat device + SS mentality = the Active Denial System.


[Late 2006 -
Australian bushfires have claimed an area the size of Cyprus in Victoria alone, according to news reports. They are showing no signs of letting up. Many down under are hoping for a white Christmas, to counter the trend:]

Australia's trend: natural disaster.


[July 2006 -
As Israel enters southern Lebanon...]

"We are also pushing for an urgent end to the current hostilities, but the views of the parties on how to achieve this are different."
- Ms Condoleeza Rice
US Secretary of State
=
"Truth's we hate to infuriate or hurt groups of crazies that are friends with us. I see fit to voice nothing to condemn Israel's acts. We feel a very clear need to be sheep - honest."


[May 2006 -
Finnish heavy metal band Lordi, who appear onstage in full monster make-up, surprise many - and some priests in host country Greece express concern.]

First time ever: Finland makes Eurovision Song Contest Finals! =
Nation's giant, offensive monsters suck! Lordi're evil manifest!!


[April 2006 -
Oxford win the annual Varsity Boat Race, against hated rival Cambridge.]

The Dark Blue crew are victorious in The Boat Race =
I taunt CU - "I'd teach heroic rowers: overtake rabble."


[February 2006 -
Well-known US anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan hits the international news when she is arrested just before President Bush's State of the Union address, in connection with her t-shirt making a political statement (in breach of the rules for visitors in the House gallery). This prompts media debate as to what constitutes acceptable clothing in this context.]

Cindy Sheehan's tee = 'Hey, Hanes is decent!'


[January 2006 -
Dr. Stanley Biber, believed to have performed between 4500 and 6000 sexual reassignment surgeries in 1969 to 2003, dies at the age of 82. Described in obituaries as a pioneer in this field, he also trained many physicians in turning men into women.]

Breast byline: Stanley H. Biber


[September 2005 -
Hurricane Katrina hits the southern US, flooding New Orleans and many other areas.]

The State of Louisiana ~
is afloat out in the sea.


[July 2005]

In international news Friday is:
The UK today launched a massive attempt to elicit info related to three terrorist bombs inside the Underground and a later eerie blast that tore open a central London bus.
(Yes, they reiterate 'terror won't win!')

=

"Listen, and understand. That Terminator is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity. Or remorse. Or fear. And it absolutely will not stop - EVER! - until you are DEAD."
-- Kyle Reese (to Sarah Conner), in The Terminator


[June 2005]

Tom Cruise Declares Undying Love for Katie Holmes on Oprah. =
"I do"'s forever - oh, up until Scientology con makes her alarmed.


[March 2005 -
Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles are to wed.]

In the wedding of Prince Charles and Camilla... ~
sing a mild choral preface: 'Candle in the Wind'!

The royal wedding of Prince Charles Windsor to Camilla Parker Bowles =
Small-eared chap (dirt-poor worker)'s now won angelic bride (chaste filly).

The royal wedding of Prince Charles Windsor to Camilla =
Widower'll confide marriage plan's tiny catch: old horse.


[January 2005 -
Concerns about terrorism continue. How far will the security measures or paranoia go?]

Making terroristic threats
= It's ticking? Roar 'Arrest them!'
= Anarchist got striker/timer.


[November 2004 -
A study shows that, apparently, 70% of people would willingly trade their computer password for a bar of chocolate. Fears are yet again raised about corporate IT security.]

Note: a hacker stole my PC password =
Chocolate wrappers sat on my desk.


[October 2004 -
Researchers report that four out of 10 medical students believe it can be justified to have a sexual relationship with a patient. Headlines blare out 'Doctor--Patient Survey Shock'.]

Somewhat rude anagrams on the topic:
Doctor--Patient Survey Shock
= Every scrip had 'to suck...' - OTT, no?
= Scurvy? Take Hotdoctorpenis.


[September 2004 -
Prime Minister Tony Blair is due to undergo catheter ablation surgery for a heart condition. Some express a desire for a, literally, morbid outcome.]

The PM's catheter ablation surgery =
Chest tears open! May Blair get hurt!


[May 2004 -
Several new countries join the EU.]

Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Poland, Slovakia, the Czech Republic, Hungary, Malta, Cyprus, and Slovenia...
=
Huh?
A Baltic trio, Central European & Slavic land citizens, & islands having a May EU hookup. All pay VAT.

=
Not: Pitcairn; Somalia; Tuvalu; Gaza Strip, Palestine; Kenya; Chad; Holland; Bolivia; church nave, Ely; USA.


[February 2004
- Speculation is rife about what NASA's Mars mission might find. There is much talk of water... The Spirit rover's mission proceeds despite a software error, which was dutifully noted in the log files as the flash memory filled with old file and directory entries. On Mars, the rover continuously tries to reboot, but a low-level deletion run by NASA saves the day.]

The NASA Spirit Mars rover = Rain, river, stream, hot spas...
(It was intended to 'spot their river' after all.)

The NASA Spirit Mars rover = a PR error - natives smash it.
Mars rover Spirit = Storm arrives. RIP.
A little software glitch = Logfiles alert with tact.


[October 2003 -
Magician David Blaine's spectacle of remaining in a perspex box high over London generates a 'ho-hum' response from many critics.]

A Blaine-in-the-box =
One banal exhibit!


[August 2003 -
Bombing of the UN's building in Baghdad kills over 20 UN workers, representatives of aid organisations, and guests. Among the dead is a highly respected man Kofi Annan regarded as a brother.]

The UN's Sergio Vieira de Mello =
Death over US regime's oil line.


[When Brian Wells went to deliver a pizza, he was kidnapped and a bomb placed around his neck. After following orders to rob a bank, he pleaded with the police to save him. Some thought he'd made up the story about a bomb - until he exploded while the bomb squad was on its way. The news carries video of at least part of the incident.]

Pizza delivery man Brian Douglas Wells ~
blew up, sadly. 'Amazing', zillions averred.


[July 2003 -
Iranian Siamese twins Laleh and Ladan Bijani are finally given the go-ahead for an operation to separate their joined heads. Both die in the operating room. Of course, any story about Siamese twins will make headlines, just as people used to flock to freak shows.]

The Siamese twins = Site has news item.


[The Running of the Bulls in Barcelona is a touchy subject that receives renewed attention in the days leading up to an international conference to be held there.]

Forum Barcelona is 'The Great Meeting for the World We Want' =
Wrath now, once it emerges a bullfighter/matador-free town?


[Many health workers toil tirelessly to contain Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome, keeping it from spreading from China and other hot spots, such as Taiwan.]

The SARS epidemic = Praise the medics!


[March 2003 -
Qatar-based Al Jazeera airs footage, shown on Iraqi television, of US soldiers taken as prisoners of war. If the Geneva Conventions were a concern, this conversation might have taken place:]

"Who's in the photos?" = "The POWs!" "Oh, no. Shit."

This, of course, took place after troops entered Iraq. Various reasons have been offered for the invasion. Here are a couple of them:

Send the troops! = Shorten despot!
(by a few inches at least)

'Destroy all weapons of mass destruction!' =
'See, fool, I want Saddam's country's petrol!'


[February 2003 -
The Space Shuttle Columbia disintegrates on re-entry on the first of the month. I don't need to say much more, other than that the anagram uses the names of the astronauts who died in the Shuttle. Judith Resnick was among those who died in the Challenger accident, and Gus Grissom was a much earlier casualty of man's desire to explore space.]

Launch is go. Handed cosmic sadness. - Brown, Clark, Ramon, ~
Husband, Chawla, Anderson, McCool. And Resnick, Grissom...

Or, for a slightly different emphasis,
Sadness, anguish. Do scold mechanic. - Brown, Clark, Ramon, ~
Husband, Chawla, Anderson, McCool. And Resnick, Grissom...


[January 2003 -
The World Health Organization issues an alert warning of potential contamination of food supplies, after some such attempts were discovered.]

WHO issues alert on food terrorism =
Are donuts or Fritos wholesome, sir?


[October 2002 -
The series of sniper attacks in the Washington, DC, area is finally solved, but not before several deaths occurred. Here is an anagram about an obvious truth of the situation, but some might see it as in poor taste.]

Sniper attacks = Parts in casket.


[August 2002 -
Comedian and satirist Chris Morris's television series
Brass Eye causes controversy with its episode on paedophiles, for which acritical celebrities were convinced to say some of the most inane things imaginable. The programme was intended as an indictment of the sensationalism surrounding the subject, but many felt this was inappropriate - not least the celebrities who were duped.]

That "Brass Eye" episode covering pedos =
Deceived sheep are angry so sob "Stop it!"


[May 2002 -
Dutch politician Pim Fortuyn is assassinated. The right-wing gay politician's anti-immigration stance was the source of much criticism. Note: no disrespect is intended in the anagram; that's just what the letters yielded. 'Fruit' is a slightly dated and probably not politically correct term for a homosexual man.]

Pim Fortuyn dies. = Fruity imp's done.


[November 2001 -
Michael Lasseter, desperate to collect his camera from where he left it in a major US airport after he passed the security checks, etc., evaded guards, ran the wrong way on escalators, and so forth. The airline, which cancelled or delayed hundreds of flights during a search for him, files a lawsuit. I speculate that it would be slightly ironic if, to pay legal fees...]

Michael S. Lasseter ~ sells shite camera.
or
Michael Lasseter = Camera - he sells it.
And also, perhaps,
Michael S. Lasseter = Careless male shit.


[Sicily's Mount Etna made the news in 2000 then makes another appearance in 2001.]

Etna's eruption = Nature opens it.


[July 2001 -
Metallica's James Hetfield enters a rehabilitation clinic to deal with alcohol abuse. He described rehab as one of the scariest experiences of his life.]

Hetfield in rehab
= Beer? I find health!
= Fit headline here.

or

Hetfield is placed in rehab. =
Panic filled this beer-head.


[November 2000 -
A controversial US Presidential election and its aftermath consume the news media.]

Our biggest headlines ~ said "GEORGE BUSH LET IN".


[Several authors have come to the conclusion that one William Jefferson Clinton has all the hallmarks of a sex addict. Claiming to have this medical condition might be a good way of escaping jail time.]

Anxious lad cited ~ sexual addiction.


[In and out of the news, the 'School of the Americas' in Fort Benning, Georgia, has been responsible for providing military training to people who went on to rule over their home countries in Central and South America as tyrants. Its stated goals are laudable enough, but many demonstrators feel that those are only part of the story.]

Fort Benning = Benign front.

School of the Americas =
A coach of some Hitlers.


[This is an anagram on the tragic events affecting the former Yugoslavia.]

Yugoslavians = Guys in a salvo.


Back to anagrams index page

Go to Anna's main index page

These pages are © 2002-2008 Anna Shefl